in settling disputes for several lovers, I have observed that most people believe that some actions they take is all because of love meanwhile its out of jealousy. Don’t get me wrong, Jealousy about your lover can be healthy but must not be taking too far. Below are 9 signs you are taking jealousy too far;
- 1. You Remember Every Female Name He Mentions and React – If the name of any female your man mentions around you becomes a fixation somewhere in your head, you’re getting too jealous and need to take a step back. Even if your boyfriend’s nickname is Don Juan he can’t possibly be sleeping with every woman neither would he bring her name up in conversation with you. On the other hand, it’s possible she’s a new prospect and he mentioned her name subconsciously, showing your jealousy about it or showing him you remember details about her is a sign that you are not only jealous but threatened.
- 2. He’s Always Flirting – Come on sister, even if he’s not only Don Juan but Casanova he can’t possibly be flirting with everything in skirts and if he really is then you shouldn’t be with him. Truth be told – some guys like to flirt but others are just being nice. Someone once said that the average male from teenage years is conditioned to give any female above puberty age that ‘checking out’ look but it doesn’t mean he’s lusting after her. When it seems your man is always flirting with other girls, it may not be the case – you’re probably overreacting and when you verbalise it, you make him start thinking about it after a while especially if it’s the girl that leads praise worship in church.
- 3. You Always Want Him Under Your Watch – If your man is already complaining about this then you really are taking your jealousy too far. He can’t go anywhere alone, even if it’s to be with his friends for a while without you calling up to check up on him or ask him to pick up something important on his way back just to make him hurry home to be with you – stop that. Men like independence and when you choke a man and he seems to succumb, he’s only pretending. He’ll find a way to get around your high prison walls without offending you. This he’ll do by lying to you about his whereabouts.
- 4. You Monitor Him Online – Oh dear: of all the nice things you can do online you choose to monitor what is going on in your man’s cyberworld? That’s a sure sign of possessiveness, the twin brother of jealousy. It’s okay if you check up on his page once in a while but when his facebook page is your internet browser’s homepage that’s a big problem. I had this friend once who was monitoring everything I was doing online. If a lady commented on my blog – she wanted to know who she was (don’t worry, that was before I got married). If I followed anyone on twitter or exchanged banters with them, she would follow them. Funny thing was she wasn’t even following me on twitter but she was monitoring me through twitter search. When you have your boyfriend’s online passwords, your jealousy is on a gangster level. I insist – jealousy is never a proof of love anymore than suicide is a proof of frustration. Jealousy at best means you’re so desperate you don’t want to lose this person and at worst it means you’re insecure about your own self or you think this person wants to be with another person because you are not good enough.
- 5. His Ex-Girlfriend Bothers You – How do we know she does? Because you bring up her name every time something happens like he doesn’t want to make love on a particular night (lovemaking is for married people) and then you go “But you said you and Chinyere used to make love everynight”. When you unconsciously want to know more about his ex-girlfriends so that you can be a little more like them or use them to blackmail him into doing something for or with you (like the lovemaking example), there’s a jealousy problem. The only thing I can add here is this: there’s a reason she’s the ex and you’re the present girlfriend. Focus on that and stop being jealous.
- 6. You Ask Insecure Questions – This can be down to two things – either your man doesn’t do enough to make you know you’re attractive to him or you’re really hungry for attraction approval from him enough to make you jealous. An example of an insecure question is: “Is my butt as big as Zainab’s own?” (where Zainab is your BFF). If your man’s honest answer is ‘no, she’s got more hips and ass than you” then you are dating a zombie but the real problem is that you have a need for approval. Where does jealousy come in? It’s when you’re actually so smart that you asked simply because you wanted to know if he had noticed Zainab’s butt and then you use his answer to badger him about checking other girls out.
- 7. You Monitor Him Through His Friends – There’s this joke about men being liars: a man fails to go home one night and his wife calls ten of his friends the following morning to ask them where he is. Six of them claims he slept over at their place and was on his way back, three said he slept over at some other friend’s place and the last one said he was even trying to wake him up at the moment but he was too fast asleep. We men will always cover for ourselves no matter how much you feed us when we come to your house – it’s a man code. You should call his friends if he doesn’t come home to sleep and he’s your husband but if you’re just dating and you’re trying to use his friends to monitor him, you’re taking your jealousy too far. Reminds me of this friend with whom I and some guys used to hang out a while back. His girlfriend would call him but he wouldn’t pick then she would start calling the rest of us one by one – it was so creepy we would have our phones on the table and one after the other, they would start ringing. Once my phone rang, I would expect the next guy’s phone to ring and her boyfriend would be right with us warning us not to pick the call until one night she did the 8th sign of jealousy gone too far…
- 8. You Show Up At His Favourite Places – The girl from number 7 actually showed up one day and started major drama. She came into the joint where we used to hangout and got angry with her boyfriend for leaving her in the house and coming to hangout with the rest of us. Anyone of us who tried to talk to her got a very nasty side of her. I’m certain she was hoping to catch him with another chic and when she didn’t, she made an issue out of her unanswered calls. They didn’t last long.
- 9. Your Man Says So – Sometimes we lie. Actually, most times, we lie but when a man says you’re too jealous, he’s saying it because he’s feeling choked or because you’re being too possessive. Every guy likes it when you show that you want him around or don’t want him to be with another girl so we can handle some jealousy but when a man tells you that you are being too jealous, it’s probably true and you need to give him some space. I insist – jealousy is never a proof of love anymore than suicide is a proof of frustration. Jealousy at best means you’re so desperate you don’t want to lose this person and at worst it means you’re insecure about your own self or you think this person wants to be with another person because you are not good enough.