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Dear sister, there is no relationship if you don’t say yes

Sex might be the ultimate physical communication of a love relationship but that doesn’t always take the place of a verbal commitment.

We’re not in a love relationship until you as a lady say ‘yes’ and we’re therefore not exclusive to each other until you say ‘yes’. We know ladies like to act coy sometimes and prolong giving assent to a love proposal; we also know you do that in the hope that someone better might just come along and then you’ll leave us without a backward glance because there was never really any commitment. It works for you sometimes but sometimes, it works against you.

Sex might be the ultimate physical communication of a love relationship but that doesn’t always take the place of a verbal commitment. From very early on before any commitment on your part, it is much better to clarify stuff in the most explicit terms. Is this guy asking you out because he wants to date you or just because he wants to sleep with you? It helps you to be clear about what you’re getting into and it also sets your expectations and limits your involvement if need be.

Sometimes it’s easier to just let things string along and play out the way they might without giving your consent to an actual relationship. We understand when you front even though we suspect you really want to be with us , so we understand when you front but when it’s so obvious you want to be with us yet you refrain from saying ‘yes’ to us, it ticks of something inside the ego of an alpha male.

He sees you as being unnecessary difficult and since he is not committed to you because you did not commit to him, he’ll probably be seeing others on the side. That doesn’t excuse the truth of the situation though that the brother is only being smarter by half: he shouldn’t be seeing anyone else if he’s asking you out. It however helps to be very clear on what you both want and what you’re both doing together.

Don’t assume something is going on when it isn’t. Relatedly, don’t assume something is more than what it is – always be clear on where you stand and always let a brother know where he stands – don’t let him assume. Don’t give him the impression that you’re dating him when in actual fact you’re just using him to mark time while waiting for another brother to show up – sometimes it works for you, sometimes it works against you.

When it works for you it makes you happy but when it works against you, it hurts. It really hurts.